I recently was listening to Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations, a podcast available on Spotify, and it was her Best Lifesaving Lessons episode. It began with her reflecting on one of the many life lessons she learned with her mentor, Maya Angelou.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the FIRST time.
Far too many times have we been on the side where we allowed someone to show us who they were but chose to stay and not believe them. We stayed with hopes that ONE DAY they would be different. ONE DAY they would see how much you love them and change for you. Next moment, you look up and realize you’ve been waiting years for one day that never came. And who do we blame? The other person. “She knew she didn’t want me, why would she waste my time,” “If he knew he couldn’t be faithful, why would he commit to me?” It’s easier to place the blame on others when we’ve been hurt by them but the truth of the matter is, YOU had every opportunity to prevent this heartache from happening but you didn’t believe who they told you they were.
Take a look at my story with this very topic. (Real names are being left out because I am choosing to be kind.)
I met a guy a little over 5 years ago who completely sweeped me off of my feet. Not in a love way, but in a “Oh My Gosh this man is so hot and I want his body” type of way. We exchanged information and it was honestly a roller coaster after that. I had never, in my adult years, been with a man who made me feel like I was the only woman in the room. It was the most exhilarating, spontaneous, titillating and enchanting romance. Behind all of that spellbinding energy, was a person who kept many secrets, told lies and was selfish without even realizing how selfish he was. I knew this because he told me in more ways than one. I, however, made the choice to continue forward with the thought that if I continue to love on him that it would change those negative characteristics. I went into this not even wanting anything other than a physical relationship but after the time spent, the intimacy…it was everything that said he wanted me to be his woman. See…I am an action person. And all of his actions pointed to what I wanted to see but at the same time they pointed to what I needed to see but didn’t want to. Confusing right?
Time passes and I slowly begin to learn the truth about many things. He had a relationship that I was unaware of, well…I had no proof. He had a relationship with the mother of his child and that…chile, that was the strangest co-parenting relationship I’ve ever witnessed. What did this crash dummy do even in the midst of all these revelations? I stayed. I really thought that even with all his baggage that he would have room for me, even after being told he didn’t. He didn’t even have room to make room. (I’ll spare more you more of the story because this is a blog, not a novel.) Fast forward to August 2019 and I am pregnant with (yup, you guessed it) his child.
Did I learn my lesson? You bet your lucky bottom I did…just not soon enough. The only thing I regret from that lesson is that I didn’t learn it immediately. Believing him the first time, would have saved me a lot of heartache. I was so attached to my own idea of what he could be that I didn’t take the time to see who he was, even AFTER he told me a trillion times. I am thankful, super thankful for my bundle of blessing and the lessons I learned from him. I don’t need to be hit in the head repetitively anymore FOR A WHILE.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the FIRST time.Maya Angelou