this will be my first and ONLY child. I know what some of you might be thinking. “Oh, Loren. You’re just saying that. You may meet a man that you will fall so in love with” blazay blazay blah.
Since before I gave birth I knew that Leilani would be my first and last child. Pregnancy was just too much for me. I feel damn near traumatized from labor/giving birth. Now, figuring out life with a newborn (I assume I’m doing well since she smiles and is still breathing) but MAN this phase is tough.
There is literally nothing about any of those phases that makes me want to do this again. I know, I haven’t experienced the other bigillion things that make being a mother so awesome. But I know that after what has already taken place..DIS IT. I’m not sure why people think a change your mind fairy is going to wave his wand and change how I feel.
That isn’t even half of why I know this is my only child. Keep reading, you’ll hopefully understand why or at least feel where I’m coming from. That whole man changing my mind thing, that I hear far too often, is crazy. Any man that I date from this point forward is going to have to 1. have his own kids or 2. be fine with adopting. But a child from this body?!?! Nope. Now, let me dig deeper into this for those of you that think I’m just talking out of the side of my neck.
I haven’t had to shell out thousands by this point. I’m thankful to have had so many people decide to shower my princess with everything that she needs. I haven’t had to buy diapers but I have had to purchase formula for when I supplement. That shit ain’t cheap. I couldn’t imagine having to buy that all the time. Then, I start thinking about all of the expenses as she gets older. Food, extra-curricular activities, babysitters, fun..it’s a no for me in doubling that expense. Which leads me to telling you why I FOR SURE am not having another child.
I am a dancing artist. When I was pregnant and weeks after delivery, I had to give my career a break. My income took a major hit during these months. Not only that, there were so many opportunities that I was unable to be part of. So many. I know that I wouldn’t be able to take another big break like that. No dancing means a portion of my income is gone. I would be lying if I said the transition was easy. I am just really getting back into working after being off for so long. Le’ struggle has been real.
My Lih Body
I have previously mentioned all that the body goes thru when creating a human. With that description in mind (check my previous post,) getting back into dancing has been difficult. My body doesn’t move like it once did and figuring out how to now move with my current body has been a challenge. I know that my body may never move like it once did and I have to adjust to how it is now. Experiencing another drastic, physical change would not benefit me in any way.
I am 30 years old. I’m not old, don’t get it twisted. But I ain’t exactly no spring chicken. Having a child at this age isn’t uncommon for the times that we are living in. In fact, women are having children much later in their lives. I didn’t plan on having my child but now that I have had one at my age, I know this is it. I’ll be 50 when my daughter is 20. I’m good.
I could go on and on but you get where I’m coming from. There are people in life who want to have more than one child and there are people like me who are completely fine with the one they have. Please, believe me when I say I am not having another child. I was an only child. Leilani will do just fine.
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