It has been a while since I’ve posted a blog. Not that I have many to begin with BUT I told myself that I would do my best to be consistent with this and well…I did the complete opposite. Not because I didn’t know what to say but because I was scared to say what I actually wanted to.
I had a friend share something on Facebook about being transparent versus being vulnerable. When I googled the difference myself, I found this: Transparency merely refers to the quality of being upfront and forthright. Vulnerability refers to something much more sacred and significant, as it involves exposing the tender places of one’s soul. When we say someone is being transparent, we mean they’re not attempting to hide anything. This struck a chord throughout my whole entire soul. I created this blog with the mere intent of being transparent with all of you. I was selective in what I was being upfront and forthright about. I have shared some vulnerable moments but even within those I managed to still filter out what I felt would be too exposing or make me look bad. It wasn’t dishonest but it sure as hell wasn’t 100% honest either. I have shared some extremely vulnerable situations with the world, but recently I just didn’t have the courage to do it anymore. You can say it was for fear of being judged or fear of having people look at me differently. I’m going to tell you that I was ashamed, embarrassed and disappointed in myself and there was no way that I could let you all see and know what that looked like from me. My apologies for not being 100% of who I said I would be when this all started.
With that being said, allow me to reintroduce myself. I am Loren and I am a single mom, entrepreneur, dancing artist/instructor and a human being who has made and learned from many of her colorful mistakes. I have a 7 month old daughter, Leilani, who has become the light of my world. I have 0 ties with her father, so it is me, her granny and her beautiful group of aunties/uncles who are holding this little flower child down. I experienced the toughest heartbreak/separation from someone and it haunts me daily. I know that with God, therapy and time, healing is possible. I have allowed myself the grace to know that I won’t heal from that overnight. I have done many things in the past that I am far from proud of but good or bad, it has molded me into who I am today.
The other thing is that I felt like no one was really coming to read my posts and I had to remind myself, AGAIN, that I didn’t initially create this blog longing for people to come to it. That is a good thing but this was just a way for me to share and that is what it should remain. It doesn’t matter how many people, if any, see this. If anyone is reading this and you feel like you need to do some reintroducing in your own life, go ahead. You are always free to start over and begin anew. If you have any questions for me or want to know anything, feel free to ask. I am open to any and all questions. I pray each and everyone you is being safe and healthy during this pandemic. Love, peace and happiness to all of you. Until next time…