Stop wasting time because you have a limited amount of time to do what you have to do. Make the DECISION to step into the truth of your life.
In my life, I’ve learned that people will appreciate you more for simply being who you are. There are way too many of us trying to duplicate things that have already been done. The world will love you more for who you ALREADY ARE. It took me years to realize that. Honesty begins within. The moment you are able to be honest with yourself, it will make your connections with other human beings more genuine and allow for more true connections to take place.
Becoming pregnant is initially what sparked my interest in creating a blog. I had been receiving so many comments on my level of transparency during this time, that I decided to go ahead and create a platform where I can continue to share my truth with a broader audience. This blog will cover my experiences as a pregnant professional dancer, a first time mom, a single mom and so much more. You will learn my story and become part of my world and I am so excited to allow you in. I may not be the conventional blogger and that is completely fine with me.
I won’t hold back! I can only hope that me sharing my story will inspire someone out there to know that being true to your story is what will help you grow, no matter how many flaws your story has.
Welcome to Life with Loren Marie!
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This year has taught us all many valuable lessons. Honestly, if you haven’t learned anything from this year then you may need to get your head out of the clouds. There has literally been destruction at almost every corner. Lives being lost due to a virus that not even scientists fully understand. Racial injustice being more visibly shown to the world and the world, for once, acting like they care about black people being tormented. Being separated from our loved ones, to protect them. To protect each other. The government handing out small portions and expecting us to grovel at their feet. Trump was out here…just being a hoe. It’s a lot that took place and much to unpack as we close one year and move into the next.
Here are a few things this year taught me.
You can’t expect people to check on you during a time when everyone’s lives have been altered or disrupted.
Is it great if they do? Absolutely. But I saw a post that explained how absolutely selfish and narcissistic it is of anyone to get upset because people aren’t religiously checking on them like they maybe once did. It’s a pandemic yall. People have had 1, 2 or maybe even 3 family members die during this time. Lost their job. Facing foreclosure on their home. Getting a divorce. You can’t be so selfish during a time when people are just fighting to make it day to day. If you feel some sort of way about it, then here is something check on them. This time is tough on everyone. Don’t sit in a corner and pout about someone not reaching out. Use some common sense here.
It’s ok to take a break. For your mind, body and soul.
Pre-pandemic, many of us were busy running around seizing the day every 5 seconds. Depleting every bit of energy we had to be the best this or the better that. Listen. This pandemic said SAT DOWN. Like someone’s granny at church who want the kids to sit they behinds down. And we had to just that. Sit down. Be with ourselves and reflect, rest and reset. And I’m not even mad about it. I started going back to therapy (which has been great btw) and while things are slowly picking back up, I’m not going to forget to give myself those days to recharge and realign. It’s needed if you wish for your productivity to be at a certain degree. Don’t be busy. Be productive.
Continue to surround yourself with phenomenal, dope, going places type of people
My circle is literally the best there is, to me. My girls are out here being fxckin amazing. Like, kilin the game. There is no room for mediocrity if I want to continue to have them around me and with me. And that’s how it should be. Your circle should constantly be pushing you to be better than the day before. Are we where we want to be right now? No. But are we where we were last year on today? Absolutely not. My sisters and close friends are OUT HERE. Doing it. BIG. And it makes me not even want to step to them with something unless it’s about some sort of elevation. Now, granted, I know the times we are living in. But as long as we are alive and have perfectly good oxygen in our lungs. We will get it done. By any means. And that’s what you need around you. People who will acknowledge reality but also remind you that you shape your own, at the end of the day. Shape it into something you wish to live in.
Being a mother and a woman can be and are 2 separate things.
This was my first full year as a mom and I have to tell you, there were so many different battles I faced. There is mom guilt (yes, that’s a real thing) and then missing who you were and what life was like before your little one. No one ever discusses that and if they do, it’s to make you feel bad. Which is stupid. Moms, you are allowed to miss your life pre-baby. It made me realize though, that I need to create a clear divide between between the two or else the lines will become blurred and even I won’t know where one ends and another begins. I am a mother, yes. But before that, I was a woman. A woman who was not afraid to be herself. Who didn’t sum up respect as a way of dressing, thinking or behaving. I wasn’t afraid to just..be. Then I had a child and it felt like that changed. Like I became more self conscious about things I did or said and ya know…it was a pretty uncomfortable space because I wasn’t being true to myself. Social anxiety set in, all of that y’all. So don’t force or fight yourself on it. You are allowed to be both, simultaneously. Forget those that have a colorful opinion about it. They probably miserable anyways.
Loving myself never felt so good.
I have been single this whole year. Like, legit. I tested the waters with one guy but it didn’t get beyond a certain point. And honestly, this is the first time in a long time that I’ve been single and content. If someone wants to date me at this point, they gotta come with it cause my list of standards has changed drastically (for the better) and I’m so cool with me..like why involve someone else right now? I used to have a feeling of loneliness hover over me. Now, I’m completely fine in the space I’ve been in. I feel you tho future husband. Hurry up before I get too comfy being single. Also, not rushing it tho. Loving myself for the first time ever has been beautiful.
I am thankful and blessed to be able to have made it to the last day of 2020. So many did not and for that alone, we should be thankful. Continue to be great moving into the new year. Continue to do everything in love with light leading and guiding you. You are Gods love, in human form. Remember that as you move throughout your days. Good riddens 2020. But we needed you to teach us these valuable lessons. Let’s see what 2021 has in store ❤️
This is one of my nighttime rants. You’ll know early on if you want to keep reading or not. But here goes…
I’m sick of people feeling entitled to how I move. Or feeling like I have to move a certain way because “they” are watching. 1. Who is they and 2. what they got to do with me? The world is big but we only live in a small portion of that. Am I supposed to just cease all of everything because people can’t resist the urge to swipe and see what it is I’m doing? It’s a lot happening in the world. Currently a whole pandemic. I honestly would think people would find something else to be concerned about instead of hawking mine or anyone else’s existence. If you don’t…
Leave. Me. Out. Of. It.
I’m sick of feeling like I can’t be because of who you might be. (Read it again.) The world we live in is NOT that big. Especially this one. I’m busy minding my business and I can only pray that you’re doing the same thing but nooooo, you’re probably up reading this blog post. Just in my business, minding it. *insert the heaviest of eye rolls*
I have my own life to be concerned about. If you wana help me out here is what you can do.
I am obviously NOT the only dancer that has had a baby. I know. However, this is my first child so I can only share my experience. It has been every bit of a challenge. From pregnancy to postpartum…having a baby has shifted my whole world of dance. It has literally been turned all upside down.
Pregnant & Dancin
I found out I was pregnant in January and at the time, I felt more pregnant than I looked. I decided to keep it to myself until I was ready to share it with everyone. With a show in the coming months, I dealt with the nausea and everything at rehearsals. I could still move like I wanted so it was ok. The further I got into my pregnancy is when things started to get more complicated. I was still teaching, going to auditions, had shows coming up but breathing was becoming more difficult. Your stamina suffers severely when your pregnant (you can thank baby for pushing up nicely against those lungs). Sciatica is something I had dealt with before pregnancy but it returned with the pressure from baby girl. My last performance was in April. It was so sad because I knew that after I left that stage, I wouldn’t be seeing another stage for a while. To constantly hear, “Oh, you will be back in no time” wasn’t too comforting. I knew I would miss performing. Not to mention, that was a portion of my income gone. Dance isn’t a hobby, it’s my career.
I spent the summer months teaching. Nearing the end of my pregnancy and still up and moving with the kiddos. I told myself everyday that I wasn’t going to do too much dancing but ended up doing the exact opposite. With the swelling, back pain, return of nausea..I was clearly in between determination and insanity. My body was definitely telling me to sit down and I had to listen. After July, I decided I was going to take a much needed break from teaching dance. From August up until my due date in September, I wasn’t doing much moving besides walking and stretching. I was also doing squats and other exercises to initiate labor cause this mama was ready to give birth ya’ll.
Gotta take your time.
After giving birth, the body is all of whack. Seriously. I don’t think my walk was normal for weeks. I was so ready to get back to dancing but knew that it would take some time before that happened. Stupidly (I say stupid cause that’s exactly what it was) I went to some auditions 2-3 weeks after having her. Just because you feel better does not mean that your insides are better. Everything was shifted around during pregnancy and again in labor. During the postpartum stage the body is busy working to get back to normal. We only prolong healing when we participate in activities that aren’t helpful to that process.At those auditions, I was jumping and everything else. Total mistake. I was in so much pain that night and the next day that I could barely walk. My poor pelvis was calling me everything but a child of God. And for good reason. I NEEDED TO SIT DOWN. I also needed to see a chiropractor because with rehearsals underway and my body only taking more pressure, stretching on my own wasn’t going to cut it.
Let me just say, those auditions were a mistake. More of a mistake was thinking I could perform at 100% after just having a baby not even 4-5 months prior. Your ego will get you in more trouble than you can afford and the consequences can take months to bounce back from. They give women 3 months and then expect you to get right back to life. Nah. That’s not even accurate for a high percentage of women. I say I didn’t feel back to 100% until about a year after having her. And that was with exercise, good eating habits, seeing the chiropractor and doing my own stretching at home. But then also finding the time to just relax. Soak in the tub. Get a massage.
Again, I know I’m not the only dancer to get pregnant. Heck, I know some who have had 2 to 3 kids. (Not my story. 1 and DONE.) I just know that as a dancer, this has been an extremely difficult space to navigate. Oh, add in being a single mom. Plus a working dance artist. During a pandemic. With only a few people you can trust to watch your kid because the last thing you need is for her to get sick. It’s a lot. Bringing her to rehearsals. Having her strapped to me while I teach. While I’m thankful to have that option, it’s also easier to get stuff without her being present. But this is life now so I just have to adjust. There were times when I thought I would have to give up my dance career all together but you find ways to make it work. Even if your child just has to become entwined in that part of life too.
I write all this to say that dancers, know that whatever you’re feeling about being pregnant and having a career at the same time, you are justified in your feelings no matter what you may hear around you. Sit down when your body tells you to before it knocks you down. And don’t fret, you’ll be back in the game soon. Just take your time. Until next time…
You are 1 year old. That’s 1 year of smiling, crying, laughter, confusion, understanding, mistakes and fixing those mistakes. When I brought you home, the only thing I kept thinking was I really am responsible for this tiny human life. No one told me the first thing you do when you get a baby home. I literally was terrified. Terrified that I would get something wrong. Terrified that you wouldn’t respond well to me. I was even scared that you wouldn’t love me.
We had some major struggles in the beginning. Breastfeeding was a nightmare, at first, but mommy was not going to give up. I can still hear your hunger cries. It was such a curdling scream that at times I wanted to cry myself. I felt like a failure of a mom because I wasn’t able to feed you like you needed to be fed. It was such a horrible feeling. On top of the lack (extreme lack) of sleep, my cup was drawing pretty near to dry. And still having to be your mommy, was tiring.
Then things got better. I’m not sure when but we began to form a bond. I could tell that you were starting to trust that mommy would be here for you. While I know this bond will only grow with time, it is also my job to remind you that you are loved, protected and respected. Even as a child. As my child.
I promise to give you every piece of me. At all times. You have caused me to grow in a plethora of ways. I just never knew how much my strength, patience, love and resilience was inside of me until I had you. The lessons that you teach me daily are priceless. To never give up. To stay consistent, no matter the circumstances and to just be present in every moment. Mommy isn’t always the teacher. Sometimes, I’m the student.
I love you so much Leilani. There just aren’t enough words to truly explain how thankful I am that God saw fit to bless me with you. You’re everything I never knew I needed. But God knew. And He sent me the best gift ever. Happy 1st Birthday to you Leilani Rene’ and many, many more.
What is it called when you want to cry but you don’t have any tears left?
What do you do when that feeling sits so deep within your chest?
You can’t run. You can’t hide. At least not from something that is inside of you.
You know how you have a favorite book? Or a favorite tv series? Or movie? Let’s call this situation one of your favorites. From beginning to end you know how it starts, what takes place in the middle and how it ends. Line for line. Play by play. You can easily act out everything.
Just because it’s a favorite…doesn’t mean you have to watch it again. Or pick it back up. You already know how it ends. (If you’re like me and your favorite movie is Titanic, we saw how that ends. Tears.) and just like that movie, this situation brings about more tears, more confusion and disbelief that this is really where you are now.
I give so much advice to friends about things but I need to be taking that advice my damn self. Compartmentalize, I told myself. Keep that situation in a box, I said. Yea. Right. That worked until well…it didn’t. We always tell ourselves we can handle anything until it’s time to handle anything. Crazy how life will really test a theory you put into the atmosphere.
I say all of this to say…well….I don’t know. I’m still figuring out how I feel. I do love this blog and consider it a safe space to empty my thoughts. I consider it so safe that if you want to reach out and share with me as well, that’s cool. I don’t have all the answers and I don’t pretend to. But we should always be able to come together and maybe find the answers that way. Or also be confused together. Whatever works in that space and time.
Until next time, may you continue to live in love, light and transparency ❤️
When you realize that something or someone isn’t what you need to elevate in life, you start to look at the relation to them/it versus what you actually need. Realization sucks more often than not (no one ever wants to say that but I’ll be honest since it’s my blog.)
One way the dictionary defines realization is as an act of becoming fully aware of something as a fact. When a person says they have had a self realizing experience, this means that they have become aware of things as facts in their own lives. Just because you are just now realizing it doesn’t mean it wasn’t always true. We tell ourselves lies more than we lie to people sometimes. Or we put up with things that we know damn well we shouldn’t be putting up with, we just haven’t quite figured out how to stop lying to ourselves about it to begin with. As I type this..it all seems really complicated. But guess what? It ain’t. All we have to do is what needs to be done, stop lying. To ourselves. To our loved ones. To our friends. To our colleagues. These lies are ultimately only hurting us anyways.
I say this because I was that person. I lied to to so many people..including myself. Just hoping that if I lied enough that it would become true. Yea..that’s not really how that works. You see, the truth will slowly start to burn a hole thru your soul (if you’re not a sociopath) and at some point, that hole will turn into a full on fire that you won’t be able to put out. So, maybe it’s time you let that girl/guy go. Or that job. Or those friends. Or that one family member that always comments on your weight every time they see you. It’s those people and things that make you feel like you have to lie just to get by. You don’t. And you shouldn’t. Once you realize how much better and more full your life will be without them/it, you’ll be thankful your eyes realized the lies and decided to let go.
Sending you peace, love and light during a time when those things seem so difficult to have 💕
A week ago, I was sitting in Hotel Alessandra sipping Prosecco and relaxing in my last day of 30. Last year I was pregnant for my 30th so I decided that this year I would celebrate as best as I could, despite a pandemic. Much has changed in the last year for me. A baby. Being forced to innovate my business plan due to the pandemic. All of everything that has taken place in the last year has definitely caused me to grow in ways I never would’ve imagined I could. It was only right that I celebrate this new year around the sun in a way that recognized how far I’ve come and what is in store for me next. Here I will share with you all just how magical my birthday weekend was and who knows..maybe you’ll check out some of these places or people for your next celebration.
I checked in to Hotel Alessandra and had a massage scheduled at their spa. Jennifer, the front desk clerk, was so kind from our first phone to my leaving. I received 20% off plus an addition of some handmade bath salts along with a glass of Prosecco. The woman who did my massage, Carmen, made me feel like a brand new woman y’all. It had been so long since I received a massage that I almost forgot how it felt. I felt like I was walking on a cloud after leaving out of the room. A cloud that drifted me back to my room and chill. After that, it was room service and more wine. I also taught my Sensual Saturday class via FB live. Sensual Saturday is a dance class that I started during the beginning of the pandemic and wanted to use as a way to celebrate with others since an actual turn up was not going to happen. It was so fun and an awesome way to celebrate with others. I was only there without Leilani for about 6 hours, I’m still a mommy and her fairy godmother was watching her just so I could spend some time alone. In all honesty, I missed her after that amount of time. So, it was time to pick up my little Leidy Bug.
Leilani is the best gift I’ve ever received in all of my life. I still don’t know what I did to deserve such a pure, unconditional love from God. Bringing in a new year wouldn’t have been right without her by my side. (Even though she was sleep by midnight.) The next morning one of my friends stopped by and ordered me brunch from Snooze. After brunch, I had my virtual pordy (yes, pordy) and a few friends stopped in zoom to just celebrate me and catch up. Throughout all of this, not being able to hang with my friends has been KILLING ME. I have always been someone that needs human interaction and Covid has basically come thru and wrecked shop on that. I was able to have a very small, intimate dinner that night with a few sister friends. The dinner was made by Aldine who is an amazing upcoming chef in Houston. You can check out the photo but it really doesn’t do the meal enough justice. I wanted something caribbean inspired sooo… we had fried cabbage, red beans and rice, an arugula salad, lamb chops, lobster tails, shrimp and to ease the spice of everything there was a watermelon lemonade that he squeezed (by hand!) It was very delicious you guys. Actually, delicious doesn’t begin to describe how great it was. My beautiful cake was made by Teacake of Caketivity. A red velvet dream. I loved every piece of it. Even though the cake couldn’t stay with me forever (I can’t be consuming all that sugar. My skin said NO.)
Overall, my birthday weekend was one to remember and I am so thankful for everything 30 had to give and I know that 31 has even more to offer. If you’re interested in any of the services that are mentioned above, please feel free to reach out! Until next time…
“It’s so nice to get flowers while you can still smell the fragrance.”
Yesterday didn’t start off as planned. After being on hold for an important phone call, once the operator got on the call..it dropped. Leilani was having a meltdown in the background. AND I woke up to find out that my mother was not going to be able to watch Leilani while I go to the gym. Now, you may be saying “Oh Loren, that’s not a big deal. I thought you were going to say something worse.” Let me stop you right there and go ahead and dig into what this post is really about.
Not all of us have the relationships we wish we had with family
As I’ve gotten older, I am learning that family isn’t always those that are connected to you by blood. I get it, there are many who consider themselves ‘estranged’ from their family. This could be for a plethora of reasons. Old arguments that never had a resolve, differences in how things should be done, past hurts and well, the list goes on. I have to say that it does make me a little sad to see other families be so close. Still getting together for holidays, birthdays or just because it’s Saturday type of gatherings. I honestly feel like I haven’t been in the same space with all of my family in years. On my moms side anyways. My dad is in California and that part of my family is in San Antonio. It isn’t difficult for all of us to get together because the family is smaller. My father usually visits Texas twice a year and I try to go out to see him. During the covid pandemic though, I may not get to see any of them until next year which SUCKS but I know it’s for safety purposes.
This may come as a surprise to some, others..not so much. (And please note that, I do not and will not drag anyone in my family. However, I will be honest about how they’ve made me feel.) My mother and I do not have the best relationship. I am not too sure on when it started to go south. If I could guess, it would have to have been when I was maybe 16. That was the first dive it took. The second came at some point around 23. Since then, sure we have had good moments but overall, our relationship is kind of on the fritz. With that in mind, let’s take it back to my not so good morning.
Being a single parent means that I have to strategically plan my life. I was already big on planning and making sure I stay consistent with things I give myself to do but having Leilani has really forced me to do that times ten. Sundays is when I typically plan my week, aside from things that may have already been scheduled. When I planned to go to the gym, I told this to my mother and she acknowledged it so to my assumption, she would be able to watch Lei. When she decides to let me know at 9am that she wouldn’t be able to watch Lei at 10am, I immediately began to cry. Not just because I would not be able to go to the gym. Not just because I would not be able to go to the grocery store after the gym. But because this has been a constant battle that I’ve had with my mom. Just getting her to look after baby girl has been the biggest struggle on top of not being able to have many people watch her during this damn covid stuff. As I cried, I just thought of how much I want to be consistent but can’t be because the one person that told me she would help me has shown me time and time again that maybe, just maybe she didn’t mean what she said. It is just me here with my daughter. And to also have constantly thrown in my face “she’s your child”..as if I don’t know that already or to insinuate that you had her so you need to take care of her without help. I need help. And I am not afraid to admit that. Her father will never be part of her life and until God sends me my future husband, I am it. Along with the help that I get from her godparents/aunties, it is only my mother who is able to help out the most. It just really sucks that we don’t have the level of communication that I wish we had. I understand that she may have grown up in a home that didn’t make room for that. I can remember growing up and not necessarily feeling too comfortable sharing things with her but I was able to find other adults that I trusted being able to do that with. I know that now, no matter how uncomfortable or awkward it may feel at first, I HAVE to be the one that initiates this open dialogue. I do not want to feel sad like I felt on yesterday morning.
I don’t think that this at all makes my mother a bad person. We all have things we need to work on and this is just one of her things. I make a conscious effort to pray for her heart and mind. I know it takes a while to unlearn things. I can only hope and pray that our relationship will evolve, for the sake of Leilani. She needs to see the two most important women in her life get along. If you have a relationship in your life that suffers in ways like this or others, know that you are not alone. This wasn’t to have a pity party formed for me. Just me sharing and expressing, like many of my blog posts. Many of us are working our best to get it right, and that’s ok. As long as there is work being put in.
If you’re interested in this beautiful print that I have on in the above picture, it actual a Jacket and Short set! Visit http://www.so-stormie.myshopify.com for it and more beautiful pieces.
Hey! It’s been a while and I apologize for the delay in giving you all more content… L I F E. I see that I have some new followers and I first want to say welcome and thank you for following my baby blog (she’s still real new.) If you’re ready to learn more about me, let’s proceed…
I am the proud founder of Hearts in Motion. It is a mobile dance service and we offer technique training, private lessons, stretching/conditioning and choreography. I have been blessed to be able to work with children and families in Houston, Beaumont and even in Brooklyn! I have worked with families for wedding choreography, sensual dance classes for ladies and competitions for dancers in middle thru high school. Literally, all types of dancing. I started this company a little over 2 years ago and the intention was to just make some change on the side and now it is blossoming into something I could’ve never imagined. I have a passion for working with the youth and Hearts in Motion allows me to do so. I was also recently awarded a grant from the Texas Youth Action Network which has allowed me to create a program called Creativity Speaks that will allow me to work with black and brown youth, at no charge to them. This program will give them the opportunity to not only learn dance and elements of theatre, but it will also allow them to use their voices creatively and help to put together the final presentation that they will share within their schools or communities. If you’re reading and you know of a group that could use a program like this, please feel free to reach out! I am currently looking for youth to bring this to. It is always my goal to share my love for the arts with kids who may not otherwise have the chance or access to it. I continue to pray for an abundance of opportunities for Hearts in Motion. (I also have these shirts for sale still.) If you wish to support in anyway, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
I am in a strange space. If you have friends who are dancing artists, check on them. We are NOT ok. While I understand that we are in this world of virtual everything, there is nothing like being able to train in a studio with other dancers. Having the instructor come by and correct you. Feeling the energy that is in the room. I miss that. WE miss that. No one wants to continuously learn on zoom forever. Gaaaahhhh! I need to be training in the space. I need to be present in the space. I get not always dancing in the studio but to have it ripped from us like it has been and then struggle with it being safe to go back, especially now, it’s a lot. I do have things coming up that I’m preparing for so I’ll count my blessings but the reality is, I miss being able to take class IN PERSON. Just check on a dancer today.
This child. She just keeps growing and I honestly want her to slow down. Here she is pictured helping mommy plant some seeds. Sorta. In the midst of creating, working my business, photoshoots, video shoots..my baby is usually right there with me. Yes, even being breastfed in the middle of a rehearsal. Having someone available to watch her for everything I have going on just isn’t possible at times. Hearts in Motion literally has had a whole new meaning since her arrival. She really is my WHOLE heart moving outside of my body. Whatever I have to do to make sure she has an amazing life, I will. That is why my business and my craft are super important to me. It’s all for her now.
I don’t want to make this too lengthy. Thank you for reading to the end 🙂 If you wish to support my business by purchasing a shirt, any of my services or interested in Creativity Speaks just drop a comment or reach out to me via IG @heartsinmotion_. And while you’re at it..a follow would be nice. Since you’re here and all 😉
I have been single, technically, for well over 2 years. Over the last 5-6 years I was involved with someone. We were basically dating (he just didn’t want to admit that) and throughout that time I pretty much only involved myself with him. Fast forward to today and I am a single mom who is terrified of getting back on the dating scene.
There are multiple reasons why…
As I said previously, I was super wrapped up in this last guy. Ok..not my exact words but I was definitely tangled in him. We did not end on the best of terms and a lot of emotional damage was done. A TON. After that, I vowed to just focus on healing and making sure my child and I had everything we needed. With everything my heart had been thru, I was not even the least bit concerned with dating. Add a baby on top of that and men haven’t even had a chance to flirt with me let alone I actually talk to someone as a love interest. Nope. No way. Not happening. I fail to mention the pandemic that has caused social distancing to become the new norm. How in thee hell am I supposed to meet people when I’m too nervous or scared to allow anyone to get 12 feet from me. (6 feet isn’t enough.)
Healing. A baby. Career goals. Spiritual goals. A pandemic.
Who has time to date?!?!
As I’ve asked myself that question, I still wonder how to approach dating now that I have a child. Am I even dateable while she is this young? Should I wait? How long do I wait, if I wait? I’ve been back and forth. And you can’t trust people like that so do I date someone I should’ve given a chance years ago or start fresh? Y’all. It makes my head hurt when I think about it. I don’t want to be single forever and I know that God has created this hunk of a man I’ve been praying for. But my behind is going to miss out on him with this fear of dating I have. I have learned from previous failed situationships and my standards have definitely changed when it comes to men. No, I don’t require that they make x amount of dollars a year or drive a particular vehicle. All of that is materialistic and if you know me, you know I could give an ish about any of that stuff. You can’t be out here broke but y’all get what I’m saying. I’m more interested in where his mind is, how does he tend to his mental health, does he care for his spiritual self and is he working towards a bigger goal in his life.
Being a single mama and thinking of dating is scary. My constant prayer is that God send me exactly who He knows I need. I pray daily for my future husband, but sometimes what I think I need and what I actually need are two different things so…God just fills in the gaps for me. Everything works out the way it’s supposed to. It always does. I’ll just keep being awesome out here in the mean time…