This journey to motherhood began in January 2019. Now ladies, between the ages of 25-30, we pretty much have our cycles down to a science. A woman knows if she is regular, irregular and how many days the cycle usually lasts ( I was lucky to have mine last about 4-5 days.) When that time gets closer, your body starts to exhibit usual PMS symptoms: weird cravings, fatigue, back pain, tender breasts and mild cramps. But……
These are literally the same symptoms you have if you’re pregnant. This is a very not funny joke. Women, we have it rough. I know my body (or so I thought) so I just chunked it up to having PMS symptoms. No worries, right?
My cycle usually would arrive between the 8th-10th of each month. When the 14th of January came, I just thought, “Oh, it’s going to be a late one. It’s because of the New Year.” I told myself anything to not have to deal with the reality I might be facing. A week and a half goes by and I figured it was just taking its time, ya know? Boy, oh boy, let me tell you… that’s when the party really got started. Nothing I was eating was agreeing with me. If it agreed going into my mouth, it didn’t agree when it was time for digestion. I dealt with the worst acid reflux I’ve ever faced in my human existence. I was cramping, but not regular cramps. It felt like The Hulk was squeezing my uterus. And still…NO CYCLE.
My friend, that I was staying with at the time, encouraged me to take a pregnancy test. I nervously walked into Walgreens and bought the most expensive test that I could buy ( I had no time for ANY false results) went home and prepared to take the test in the morning. I woke up early, opened the box and took multiple deep breaths. I sat down (I said a prayer. Honestly, still not sure what exactly I prayed for) and followed the instructions that were on the box. I sat the stick down on the counter and walked out of the restroom for 5-10 minutes (had to be sure.) When I went back to check my results….
THE STICK HAD BOTH LINES ON IT!
I couldn’t believe what I was reading. A baAaAbBBbbBYyyY?!?!?! I’m pregnant with a baby?!?!? (Cause what else would it be) I immediately start crying and screaming. I dropped to the floor and gave the best floor-ography EVER. My friend woke up, startled. “I’m pregnant!,” I said as I was crying tears the size of moth balls. So much was running thru my mind. What I am going to do? What will the father think? How will this affect my body? *gasps* My career! How will this affect my career as a dancer?!?! I was completed devastated you guys. Nothing about this was on my vision board for 2019.
The following day/night I suffered with the most horrible indigestion and ended up in the emergency room. I was wheeled away to have my ultrasound done to make sure the baby was doing fine. Then, I heard something that would change my life forever..I heard a heartbeat. A very fast, super tiny heartbeat. It was such an overwhelming experience. I cried tears of joy while also saying “Oh shit! It’s really a baby in there!”
Hearing the heartbeat of your unborn child for the first time is indescribable. If you don’t believe in God, especially after experiencing something like creation…then I don’t know who you think is capable of equipping a woman to create, sustain and give birth to a whole human life. It’s miraculous and I was chosen to create and give birth to this beautiful miracle. Despite the situation, at 38 almost 39 weeks pregnant, I wouldn’t change being pregnant with my lovely Leilani. God’s plan is always bigger than ours. Always.
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